Comments for Steel Toed Stilettos

Comment on Importance of Language: Woman vs. Girl by Erica

Erica — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 21:51:24 +0000

I really like this post. I’d go even further and suggest we examine many of our gender tinged phrases — and eliminate them. From gender slurs like b***h to insults like “throws like a girl”. We insult women by calling them girls (and worse: sluts, ho’s, whores, etc.), and then we insult men by calling them girls (and worse: pussies, b**ches, etc.). Let’s stop making being female an insult!

Comment on Is this harassment? It sure does not make me comfortable. by Erica

Erica — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 21:37:21 +0000

This guy is gross. I’d be nervous though to confront him directly and tell him what you really think. Instead, I’d try to diffuse the situation and halt it. How about something short and direct with no chance of misinterpretation like, “Hi, These emails are making me uncomfortable. I am not interested in lunch, etc. Good luck with your defense.”

Comment on Is this harassment? It sure does not make me comfortable. by Jacqi

Jacqi — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:57:29 +0000

I always enjoy reading your posts. I’ve been in your situation before, and handled it poorly before it happened to me enough that I learned to deal with it right away. At this point, I’d try to handle it casually and tell him that the relationship should be professional, and you think some of his emails were less than professional (i.e. the joke and assigning you points). And decline his invitation for lunch/dinner.

Comment on Is this harassment? It sure does not make me comfortable. by Maelin

Maelin — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 06:42:22 +0000

By the third email interaction, I was on the fence, but by the four email, it was clear to me that this, at it’s root, is a case of harassment. I am very sure the he would not be doing this (and especially asking for lunch in the manner that he did) if he wasn’t alluding to something more than a “conversation about research.” Even if it is exacerbated by the stereotypical “lack of social skills” attributed to being an engineer, he needs a rude awakening to what is appropriate and not appropriate in a professional setting. The thing that frustrates me, is that women have to deal with this kind of shit just because of their gender. It is annoying, frustrating, and sometimes, just feels stupid, but the bigger issues need to be addressed.

I’d say, if he emails you again, respond with the full statement and then you know you’ve been clear and straight forward. Also, thanks for sharing this in such detail! Seeing these exact interactions is really helpful for people to see exactly how these kind of uncomfortable situations unfold. Keep going strong, Ann!

Comment on … THE WOMEN!! … by Priyanka

Priyanka — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 21:08:46 +0000

I love this so much, and can toooootally picture it happening! THE WOMEN!!

Comment on Looking back and looking forward… by Julia

Julia — Sun, 01 May 2011 21:20:45 +0000

I am so glad to have run across your blog! While I am not yet an engineer ( start classes in August, ME and EE ) I am a woman who had worked in male dominated industries her whole life, from starting as an auto mechanic at 16, to electrical helper in industrial construction, house painter, industrial lab tech, taxi driver, grocery stocker, automotive test driver, and currently as an instrumentation tech.

Even now, I end up literally cross dressing 90% of the time,and NO ONE notices. I have had trouble finding work clothes that will function in a shop environment, maintain a relatively professional appearance in a meeting, and fit female curves, nevermind slight concerns like exhibiting modest feminity. I figure 2 out of 3 ain’t bad… with the first two characteristics taking priority.

A post covering practical options for womens “real” work clothing, especially outside of business formal and business casual, would be very well received.

Thanks, and Good Luck!

Comment on Metaphorically Speaking by Bethany

Bethany — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 17:14:31 +0000

I get asked if I’m in a sorority by one of my professors. I am one of six women in my class of 120, and he always goes to the sorority girls first, then mocks their answers. When he comes to me, I always shut him down. When he asked if I was in a sorority, I told him no. When he asked why not, I told him I had better things to do with my time. Just because I am a woman does not mean I am in a sorority. I find the best thing to do is not to be angry about it, but be blunt. Instead of fuming with an obvious jerk in front of you, you could have spun it around to make it like the joke was on him. Don’t feel bad. It’s their generation, not yours. Things will get better.

Comment on Well-heeled car design? by Bethany

Bethany — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 17:10:47 +0000

I am always annoyed by the accelerator pedal when I wear heels. I do not notice the brake pedal as much as the accelerator pedal, but it is quite annoying when you are trying to brake gets stuck on your heel. Usually I take my heels off when I’m driving. It’s annoying, but the accelerator pedal is the worst, especially when you are trying to get onto on-ramps.

Comment on On Arm Charms by Kelly

Kelly — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 23:43:17 +0000

I’ve found what I’m wearing makes a huge difference in how people perceive me. As a young female engineer I’ve certainly had some bizaro moments, but the worst have been outside of work when I’m dressed casually. My boyfriend and I were looking to rent a house recently and at one of the places we looked at the guy didn’t even shake my hand. WTF is that? Hey, I’m renting this place too. Also, I make more money and have veto power just like he does. Infuriating!

Comment on Looking back and looking forward… by Erica

Erica — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 19:24:29 +0000

That’s funny. Being an unfashionable person — or at least a fashion-insecure person — a workplace like this where no one is particularly well dressed would appeal to me. But perhaps that’s a response of mine to decades of poor competition with other females regarding clothes; no one wants to play at something they are bad at.

Where I currently work, the dress code is extremely casual, and resembles even less interesting choices than depicted here, which means I fit in easily. I have noticed that women (or men actually) who do put some effort into their appearance, definitely are noticed and commented on, such as, “Wow, Jeri is always so dressed up!” or “Chris dresses really trendy.” Interestingly, these fashionable folks also tend to be the most secure and confident of my colleagues.